A Shitty Lay

A friend and I were talking just the other day about orgasms. What brings up a subject like that you ask? Well, it was random. He had switched topics to talk about a woman he had met.

“Did you have a good time? Is she pretty? Sexy?” I asked almost too anxiously.

“Oh, yes. We were instantly attracted to each other. I thought she was hot.”  He smiled.

“Well, then what?” I was anxious to hear the down and dirty.

“I took her to bed.” 

I giggled. “Good for you Hun. You need a good lay.”

“Um, well.” His hesitation surprised me.

“Let me guess. She was a shitty lay.” I chuckled, but he was serious.

“No. She was great, but she didn’t cum.” He looked at me with disappointment.

Now I was perplexed. Not by the fact that this woman didn’t have an orgasm, but why was it so important that she did. So I asked him that.

“I worked hard to get her to cum. She was wet the whole time and she felt so good, but she didn’t cum.”

I thought more about this.

“So is having an orgasm the single most important thing in having great sex?”

“Yes. It tells me that she is satisfied.” He said.

Now I wonder if all men feel this way. Young men I assume don’t care because they just want to get laid. Older men, on the other hand, may be more interested in satisfying their woman.

“How did she feel?” I asked.

“She said it did not bother her. That she felt satisfied with just having sex with me, making me feel good and that it was good for her too.”

“So why wouldn’t that be good enough? She obviously was ok with it and you made her feel good.” 

“But she didn’t cum.” 

This gave me a lot of thought. So this woman didn’t orgasm. She was totally okay with it, but he wasn’t. I wondered how she truly felt. Was she disappointed in herself? Disappointed that she wasn’t as amazing as his other lovers and she wanted to be his best? Did she feel like a failed lover? How many women feel this way?  I asked my husband about woman and orgasm. He agreed with my friend. An orgasm is the most important thing to having great sex. This took me by surprised. But my husband did say that if the woman felt satisfied regardless, than this is okay. It is whatever she wants.

I really want to know. What else makes for great sex. Intimacy? Foreplay of any type? Kissing? I would love to get more ideas from my readers. No holes barred here, I am open and honest and there is nothing embarrassing to me in discussing issues on sex. I would really love to learn more on the emotions of sex. Sure I could look it up on the Internet, but I would rather hear from real people. Your thoughts, ideas, stories, anything. Please let me know and if there is something of a more private issue, shoot me an email at acraebooks@gmail.com 

What does it mean to be a shitty lay? An amazing lover? The difference between ok sex and great sex?  Are you disappointed with sex? I need to know. My mind is always in need of information, loaded down as it already is, I can’t stop asking questions.

On a personal note to my friend’s one night stand…..It’s okay Hun. I bet you are an amazing lover! 😉

A.C. Rae









4 thoughts on “A Shitty Lay

  1. Hmm … I read this yesterday but was short on time, so today I will leave you with my reply … I think what makes sex amazing is if it has meaning. The kiss has to mean something, the touch, the mood, are you feeling it … are they? I tend to also feel that sometimes someone will agree the sex was amazing even if for them it was not in fear of hurting their partner as they probably have some true and sincere feelings for them. What really should matter the most in the act of sex is that it has genuine meaning behind it. The orgasm is just desserts. Perhaps he didn’t make her orgasm then but maybe in the future he can. Maybe she desires foreplay and he didn’t give her enough … Maybe she just felt pumped up and awkward (was it their first time?) and this could be why she didn’t ‘feel’ it. I guess this could be viewed in many ways. Your statement about older guys vs. younger guys is quite true. A young dude is satisfied having sex, and older dude would rather make love and have his woman feel it. However … some young dudes are sentimental and would rather ‘feel’ it as well, you know? That is my input for whatever its worth 😉


    • Your input is worth a lot. It is exactly what I have been hoping someone would tell me. Thank you for your time in reading and commenting. I appreciate it!

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