Last Dream

It hurts to find out that what you wanted doesn’t match what you dreamed it would be.
–Randy K. Milholland

Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.
–Edgar Allan Poe

The world I see is scenes within scenes unwound to breathe in poetic dreams.
–Zedek Mekkhala

Some say dreams come true, that dreams are the window to the soul. But what are dreams of heartache, deceit and lies? A nightmarish reality awaiting to steal the soul?
~A.C. Rae

LAST DREAM

It is that dream, again, always the same, never changing.

I shake my head and try to loosen the dream from my sleep.

The dream wants to linger as if it has yet to tell its story.

What is the time? I do not know, but it is still dark.

I whisper to the dark, “What is it you want?” There is no answer.

The pain strikes me as it has each and every time,

the heaviness in my chest presses further down like a ton of rock.

I jolt awake, wide eyed, hot with perspiration,

my breathing rushes out in uncontrolled spasms.

I force myself to calm as I rub at the pain in my chest.

I feel the pain travel down one limb, feeling weak and vulnerable, my will giving in.

Slowly my nerves recover, albeit with unwelcome consequences.

My breathing slows. I sense this may be it.

The dream gives way to reality like a fog lifting to reveal truth

“You will always be alone”, my mind plays tricks as I fight these words inside.

My heart shatters as it slows, the stinging in my chest pulsates with every erratic heartbeat.

He does not want to be with you. He does not need or love you.

He lives and breathes, another lover in mind, but it will never be you.

“joie de vivre, no more,” I sigh, as I settle on these facts,

For the next dream, may be my last.

~A.C. Rae

To The One Who Knows

He who capures my heart, unlocks my soul. ~A.C. Rae

 

To The One Who Knows

my deepest, darkest thoughts

and desires.

He still remains unknown

for clearly he has shown

no trust in me,

his lies and deceit hath told me so.

Hurt and pain consume,

heart strings tug and rip apart

as the unknown still plays at my heart.

How can he be real when

he cannot trust me with who he is?

 

To The One Who Knows,

but still

knows not.

 

But yet…..

To The One Who Knows.

Where does he hide the key that unlocks my soul?

He unlocked my heart, but did not throw away the key

Does he keep it safe in his mind

until next time?

My soul for thee.

~A.C. Rae

Friend Forgotten

I am in that temper that if I were under water I would scarcely kick to come to the top.

~ John Keats

Half naked, she stepped to the water’s edge of the murky river. The moonlight glistened on the water as she could see her way, picking around the rocks and going in deeper.

This is how it happened for him too, except it was by a stoning that forced him to the water’s edge. Hers was of free will.

She looked up to the bright full moon. “We belong together”. She whispered as the tears streamed down her face. She sat on a large rock sticking out of the water and lowered her head onto her bare knees and cried.

“Why did they do this to you? Why did they force you to the water’s edge naked and cold throwing stones at your thin white body? You never did anything to them, but they hated you just because you were different.” She cried in despair.

She raised her now shivering body to standing and looked back up at the stars. “All you ever were to me was kind. Was it because you understood that I am different too? Was it because I accepted you for who you are?”

She looked back down into the murky water. This had to be the very spot where he was forced to go into the water to make the pain of bullying go away. The stones had cut his naked body deeply, bleeding. She couldn’t even imagine his pain as the cold water engulfed his painful body. What did the water do for his painful mind? Did he cry out? Did he accept his fate and welcome the cold dark waters to envelope his dying body? Did he give in as he scarcely kicked at the jagged stones on the river’s bottom until he had drifted out so far that he couldn’t touch bottom anymore?

It was easier to give into his fate. To make the pain go away. The pain of being different. The pain of being bullied. Even his family despised him, but he found only one true friend and she was standing at the water’s edge.

“Please. Take my pain away.” She barely squeaked out the words and continued forward into the dark, cold water of the river.

Chad, I will never forget you.

Rest In Peace, my friend. Your pain is gone and mine lives on.

~A.C. Rae